On Growing Up and Growing Stronger

When I first started nursing, working three 12 hour shifts in a row wrecked me. Literally.  I'd spend the entire next day recovering.  I generally avoided having my shifts grouped together at all costs, because frankly, it was exhausting!  I was so amazed and confused by women a couple decades older than me who could work 4-6 in a row and seem no worse for the wear.  How did they have more energy than me?  Wasn't I supposed to be the one in my prime? Full of youthful energy?

Now I know the answer to that.  They were all moms.  Nothing forces you to stretch further and longer than you would ever have wanted to like being a mom.  There's no clocking out at the end of the day from parenthood.  You may have a long and trying day with your children and fall into bed exhausted... only to be woken up a few hours later by insistent and high pitched wails.  Now it doesn't matter how many shifts I just worked in a row, there is no day of recovery!  The next day, bright and early, sleep or no sleep, I'd better be ready to get back in the swing of a different kind of busy.

Looking back now, I can see that I may have been a little bit of a wimp. Thinking I couldn't possibly function adequately at work without a good nights sleep.  Thinking I needed all this time to myself to be able to better give my energy to others when I had too.  Back when a day off work looked like sleeping until 9, going to the gym, taking a long luxurious shower, cleaning, eating, living at a relaxed pace all my own.  And still feeling like I was busy and maxed out.

When I compare myself to the me I was a few short years ago, I'm so thankful for how being a mom has made me grow up and grow stronger.  Something that would have broken me a few years ago isn't worth mentioning now in my new normal.  I thought having time to myself to do things that I thought made me happy would help me be a better, more gracious person.  But it turns out that generally only makes us more selfish. But having your time constantly (sometimes forcibly) focused on other people is an amazing catalyst for growth and change.  And a catalyst I'm thankful for.