What Everyone Knows But You

It seems we humans have a limited amount of self awareness.  I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that unless we become reality tv stars, we never have the opportunity to see ourselves in action from the outside. It would probably do us some good.

It's an interesting dynamic when someone with a certain character flaw or a particular behavior that grates on everyone's nerves comes to you in shock and unbelief because from somewhere or another they caught wind of someone's opinion on it. And you realize the crazy truth. Everyone knows this thing about this person. Everyone.  It's common knowledge. Everyone knows they are lazy, or bossy, or they exaggerate, or are blunt or whatever, but they don't know it. Don't have a clue.  We are all aware of many of our flaws, but sometimes there are certain things that just fly right under our radar.  Probably because whatever it is it's something that we would find very uncomfortable to believe about ourselves.

I wonder sometimes what that thing is that most people could point out about me that I'm oblivious to.  Every now and then someone says something that surprises me and makes me ponder this question.  A long time ago one of my friend's older sisters told me that until she knew I loved her she didn't think I liked her.  She was the cool big sister so I couldn't imagine what made her think that.  I've also had people tell me that until they knew me better they found me intimidating. So maybe I can be unapproachable.  I'm very comfortable in my own head, and like I've said, I'll always be an awkward child at heart, so it's possible that my attempts at avoiding interactions I don't know how to navigate could make me seem distant. Sometimes I've noticed that subliminal assumption that people couldn't be that interested in knowing me, and so I don't push it.  And I'm lazy. Let's not make this all poor poor me.  Sometimes the amount of energy it takes to exit my head and engage people is just too much.

But that's something I've been working on, if that indeed be that thing everyone knows. But maybe it's something totally different. I'm sure if I put my parents, my husband, and a couple best friends from the earliest days all in a room they could tell me.  But who knows if I could take it. Or maybe they'd tell me that thing everyone knows but me is that I'm brilliant and interesting.  Yeah, maybe that's it.

God's Echoes

 

Sometimes teaching my small children things feels like learning them for myself.  It's like I can see a truth to teach them, and as I'm saying it realize it's something I've needed to learn or relearn. Sometimes I convict myself of my own issues when I'm instructing them about theirs.  Like when I tell them that if they don't know how to enjoy the things they have, they won't enjoy the new thing either.  And when I tell to them to remember that their relationship with their brother or sister is far more valuable than the toy they want to snatch or the turn they want to take.

The other day I strapped both of my kids in their car seats and then ran into the house to grab my purse and lock the door.  During the brief minutes I was gone Jackson was chanting "mommy at work" (which is what he always says when I go out of sight), and apparently Kinsey believed him and got it into her head that I had left them in the car and gone to work.  So I return to the car and find Kinsey in hysterical tears.  I ask her why she's crying (I was gone a minute!) and when she finally settles down enough she says through broken tears, "Jackson said you were at work."

I remembered that when I was little I had an irrational fear of my parents leaving me.  If they were out of sight for a couple of minutes, in my little preschool concept of time it was an eternity and surely I had been abandoned.  So I looked into my daughter's tear filled eyes and told her, "Kinsey, I love you. I will never leave you by yourself.  You can trust me.  It might seem like it for a minute sometimes, but I promise I will never leave you alone. Do you believe me?" Kinsey sniffed and nodded yes. In that moment, looking into my daughter's bright blue eyes, I could hear echoes of God's own words to an anxious humanity, resonating with my own anxious heart: "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

I love you. I will never leave you all by yourselves.  You can trust Me. Though it might seem like it sometimes from your limited vantage point, I have promised that I will never abandon you. Do you believe Me?

Life in a Vacuum

I think sometimes we wish our lives took place in a vacuum.  Where our decisions and desires affected only ourselves and didn't have any impact on anyone else.  Sometimes that wish turns into a delusion, and we let ourselves think  that this could actually be the case.  Well maybe if you are a hermit, tucked away in a mountain somewhere.  But even the hermit might have a lonely mother, wishing her son would come home.

I don't think we really understand the ripple effects of our actions. We like to talk about the ripple effects of the good things we do ('5 people you meet in heaven' style), while carefully ignoring the ripple effects of the bad ('5 people who won't be in heaven because of you'?). But every choice we make, even about our own bodies, impacts so much more than just ourselves.

Take something basic like your health.  On the surface of things how you eat, if you exercise, if you smoke or drink, impact you in the first person.  It could be argued that it's your body and if you don't take care of it, that's on you alone.  But the impact that one thing makes on the people around you and even society at large is actually quite stunning.  The impact on a spouse that suddenly becomes a caregiver, the financial and emotional stress on family members is very real.  Healthcare workers injure themselves more often because they are working with progressively overweight patient populations.  The medical expenses incured on a national level are depleting the resources of medicare and medicaid largely due to modifiable risk factors that are never modified. I.E. diseases you would not get if you took care of yourself!

Health is just an example. The same can be said of just about every choice we make.  How we treat our spouse, how we spend our money, how we treat the earth, our general morality.

We are too individualistic.  Everything is about us. It's our life, our body, our time, our choices.  But we are not alone and what we do or don't do doesn't just effect us, no matter how personal it is. We are little cells in a great big body.  If the hand has an infection that goes unchecked, the whole body can get toxic.  We can't keep making decisions as though we live in a vacuum.  If only we could sit and think and seriously consider how what we do will impact the people around us.  I think we'd be at least somewhat empowered to make better choices.