What Everyone Knows But You

It seems we humans have a limited amount of self awareness.  I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that unless we become reality tv stars, we never have the opportunity to see ourselves in action from the outside. It would probably do us some good.

It's an interesting dynamic when someone with a certain character flaw or a particular behavior that grates on everyone's nerves comes to you in shock and unbelief because from somewhere or another they caught wind of someone's opinion on it. And you realize the crazy truth. Everyone knows this thing about this person. Everyone.  It's common knowledge. Everyone knows they are lazy, or bossy, or they exaggerate, or are blunt or whatever, but they don't know it. Don't have a clue.  We are all aware of many of our flaws, but sometimes there are certain things that just fly right under our radar.  Probably because whatever it is it's something that we would find very uncomfortable to believe about ourselves.

I wonder sometimes what that thing is that most people could point out about me that I'm oblivious to.  Every now and then someone says something that surprises me and makes me ponder this question.  A long time ago one of my friend's older sisters told me that until she knew I loved her she didn't think I liked her.  She was the cool big sister so I couldn't imagine what made her think that.  I've also had people tell me that until they knew me better they found me intimidating. So maybe I can be unapproachable.  I'm very comfortable in my own head, and like I've said, I'll always be an awkward child at heart, so it's possible that my attempts at avoiding interactions I don't know how to navigate could make me seem distant. Sometimes I've noticed that subliminal assumption that people couldn't be that interested in knowing me, and so I don't push it.  And I'm lazy. Let's not make this all poor poor me.  Sometimes the amount of energy it takes to exit my head and engage people is just too much.

But that's something I've been working on, if that indeed be that thing everyone knows. But maybe it's something totally different. I'm sure if I put my parents, my husband, and a couple best friends from the earliest days all in a room they could tell me.  But who knows if I could take it. Or maybe they'd tell me that thing everyone knows but me is that I'm brilliant and interesting.  Yeah, maybe that's it.