Into the Fire

When you pass through the waters, I will be 

with you; and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you. When you walk

through the fire, you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze."

Isaiah 43:2

We are all aware that we live in a world where there is an immense amount of suffering and sadness.  Yet unless they have cut into our own life in some way, we are able to look at them from afar, philosophically rather than experientially.  Almost as though all those terrible things really just exist in stories. Just make believe posing as reality.  It happens somewhere "out there".  Focusing on this reality can be quite anxiety inducing and rather depressing.  Psychologists even recommend that people stop watching the news, because all of the sad and terrifying reports of events in the world, close and far, weigh down our psyches.

In my ideal of the life I'd live, I imagine being the kind of person who can work in those places where the reality of suffering and tragedy are so potent, doing what I can to lift burdens and ease pain.  But in my actual life... I have to confess large parts of me want to hide my head in the sand. I want to keep that veil of unreality over the pain in my world.  I don't want those things to be actual, I don't want to feel them. I want to believe that the peaceful and happy existence that I've experienced is normal. I don't want all that tragedy and loss and sorrow out there to start seeping into my bubble. And I certainly don't want to confront the fact that no one is ever really "safe". That there is no guarantee I'll take my sheltered experience of life with me across the finish line.

Of course as an emergency nurse, I'm confronted with my share of real life loss and suffering. But I think about those people who work with the sickest kids, who counsel women and children that have suffered abuse, who work in the refugee camps in those forsaken corners of the world, who face the worst this world has to offer head on, looking it straight in the eyes.  Who walk into the fire that the rest of us are trying to pretend doesn't exist. I'm in awe of those people, I want to be like them, and at the same time I want to hide from everything they confront so courageously.

And I ask myself - could I do it?  Could I step into the depths of the pain and sadness of the world and not drown? Would the fire drive me or would it consume me?   I think it would take believing more completely in the hope of redemption. That all of the horrors of this world are not the end of the story, nor will they mar it in its final glory.  If God calls me into the waters of tragedy, they will not sweep me away. And if He calls me into the fire of suffering, I will not be set ablaze.