The Divine Umbrella

 

Way back in the days of nursing school, even before my feet touched the clinical soil, I've been praying different versions of the same prayer, "Oh God, please don't let me screw anything up or hurt anybody! Don't let me get anything I can't handle."  My first year of nursing I probably prayed that prayer a hundred times a day, and maybe a few times during the nervous sleeplessness of pre-workday nights.

As the years have gone on, my confidence as a nurse has increased and my anxiety has markedly decreased, but still I pray.  And I've come to believe strongly in God's gracious, divine umbrella.

My first year as a little medical telemetry nurse (heart stuff and what not) was a steep learning curve.  Not to criticize the education I received at world renowned New Mexico State (yes, that's in America), but I was not prepared to hit the floors of that hospital.   No experience, few critical thinking skills, and tunnel vision like a rat.  And I noticed something that year - often times during the shifts I worked there would be patients who would suddenly deteriorate, cardiac arrests, and critical transfers - but they were never my patients. And I mean never.  And they didn't assign patients by acuity levels - it was all numeric. You get rooms 1-7, that sort of thing.

The umbrella continued during my first few years of emergency nursing.  I had busy, stressful days and sick patients, but I never got slammed with the difficult, crazy cases that I saw other people get.  And I knew that God was protecting me (and my patients). A fact that I found comforting and also a little sad, because I knew it was because I couldn't handle it.  As I slowly stepped into the charge nurse roll, I noticed the same thing.  The sky could be falling the day before and the day after, but on my shift, it was much easier going.  And I knew.  God was shielding me (and the people around me) from what I wasn't ready for.

I've noticed the last year or two that the umbrella has been lifting.  I'm dealing with cases and situations that I would have crumbled under at one time.  I am encouraged to realize that I'm growing up into my role.  It may have taken me a while, but I'm getting there.  And through it I've been able to have another glimpse of God's faithfulness.  Faithfulness to keep me from getting too much too soon, and faithfulness to help me improve.  But I will never stop praying on my drive to work - because thankfully Someone is listening.