Lies We Tell Ourselves

 

I've come to the opinion that us humans are marvelously adept at telling ourselves lies.  Maybe not always complete falsities, but certainly an astounding amount of half truths.  I think this is because we desire to be and to appear much more virtuous (or important) than we actually are.  So we ascribe to ourselves lofty motives when really baser ones are in play.  We justify ourselves with empathizable internal stories for actions we know are wrong - or questionable at best . And no, I'm not sure if empathizable is a word.

Sometimes I notice this on reality tv shows.  How is it that no one in singing competitions ever says they want to be the next big thing because they love the way being center stage in front of a throng of adoring fans makes them feel?  Almost everyone seems to have a humble, selfless motive. "I'm doing this for my kids - to teach them to follow their dreams." "I'm doing this for my sick sister in law." "I'm doing this for my family, so we don't have to struggle anymore." "I want to share the gift of music, to uplift the people of the world!"  Just once I want to hear someone say, "Being on stage and captivating an audience with my talent makes me feel important, and I really like that feeling." Now I can't judge people's real motives. But I do  have a hard time believing that those things are the primary reason most people want to be an "American Idol".   

I also remember an interview on Dr. Phil years ago with a couple that was having an affair that both of their families (spouses and children) were fully aware of.  The woman talked at length about how she felt guilty, but kept hoping that somehow it was okay because they loved each other so much. She also emphatically stated that her children were her top priority and that their good was her chief desire. Your young children know you are cheating on their dad, but their good and stability is your highest goal?  Lies. But she did not want to accept the image of herself as someone who would sacrifice the emotional health of her children for an affair, so she told herself a different story.

But mostly - I catch it in myself.  The one person whose motives I am in fact privy to.  I like to feel like a good person- someone who is kind, interesting, strong, and virtuous. (Feel free to roll your eyes now).  When I do things or think things or act in ways that challenge this perception of myself, I find myself trying to spin the story in my mind in a way that makes me come out on top.  That perhaps incriminates the other person in the scenario more than myself. It's shameful to admit. But it's true.

I think this is one of the reasons the gospel doesn't make sense to us sometimes.  Because the first thing you have to admit is that you're a sinner.  And many of us have been telling ourselves untrue stories about ourselves for so long and believing the ones advertisers and pop culture tell us about ourselves, that we have a hard time believing the true story - that we're lost and broken. And we need a Savior.