Misfit

Sometimes I wonder just how exactly I got here.  No, I'm not saying I need a sex ed tutorial, I mean how I got "here" as in the ER.

Of course you can't generalize a whole group of people, but I see reoccurring themes among the personalities of my co workers in my age range.  A lot of them seem to like living life extreme.  Adrenaline junky, work-a-holic, partying crazies (and I mean that lovingly;) ).
 
And then there's me.  I like the kind of adrenaline that comes with a carefully examined, secure harness, not the kind that comes with free falling down the side of mountain.   I tend to be tentative.  I don't want to jump right in, I want to get a really good feel for the water and all it might contain.

When I was in nursing school the idea of working in the ER terrified me.  I imagined everyone running around yelling while people had heart attacks and bled out all over the place (maybe I watched too much tv...)  I couldn't imagine myself ever having the skill or stamina to survive there.  I'd probably just have an anxiety attack my first day and be have to be hauled off somewhere to get me out of the way.

So out of nursing school I spent my first painful year on a MedSurg floor. (I won't go back! You can't make me!!)  And then for some reason, despite my fear, I found myself applying for an ER job.  Maybe it was the same thing that drove me to do hurdles in high school track, even though I was sure I would trip and fall and probably need reconstructive surgery to my face.  Or that drove me to take up snowboarding with my college roommate even though I would have far rather stayed safe and secure (and out of a lot of people's way) in the lodge. Or that lead me to spend a summer in rural Egypt with a bunch of people I'd never met when I was 15, and let's face it, terrified of new people.  Either way, it was the best career decision I've ever made.  And while I sometimes find myself holding back where others dive in, I'm glad I'm in a place that challenges me (pretty much every shift) to face my fear instead of hiding from it.  Because if I gave in, I'm afraid I'd probably be rather dull.  And no one would read my blog.