In My Weakness

There are two jobs out there that require more from you than I'm willing to bet just about any other profession. That have the capability to be incredibly meaningful and rewarding, and incredibly draining and exhausting. That take from you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  That inspire you with high ideals while simultaneously exposing all your weaknesses.  Two of what I would (personally) consider some of the toughest jobs on earth.

#1- Motherhood
#2- Nursing

In that order.  I work 12 hour shifts in the second busiest ER in Washington state, and I will readily testify that being a mom is definitely the harder of the two.  I consider my two shifts a week to be a moment of rest and respite from the hectic (yet fun) world of raising my two little toddlers.  At least at work no one follows me into the bathroom.

I've seen a lot of commonalities between these two worlds of mine in the last couple of years.  Things that move me and inspire me, things that test me and try me.  In both worlds there are people who are directly effected by my mood. By my level of patience, kindness, and gentleness.  I like to think that how I feel is about me and primarily effects me.  But this is not the case.  My short fuse directly effects my children and how they learn to respond to the world.  My laziness can keep me from giving my kids or my patients the best care I can give them.  The way I distance myself from emotions can keep me from being able to reach out to hurting people in a way that could be meaningful.

In both worlds there is a constant and steady stream of need.  From my little ones' hands constantly grabbing at me to the call lights that keep going off when you're busy.  There is a constant stream of emotion: fear, frustration, anger, sadness, all pulling from you and testing your ability to respond in ways that are gracious and helpful, not impatient or demeaning. And in both worlds, there is the constant opportunity to make a difference.  To bring or teach love and mercy, grace and compassion.  And in both, I too often get in the way of myself.  I get distracted by my own desires, however shallow, or my laziness, and I fail to do the good I could.

My worlds have both been tools of God's grace in my life for inspiration and exposure.  Calling to me to higher heights, while showing me that I can't make it there on my strength alone.  Showing me how truly weak I am, but also showing me how God can graciously use a weak, and earthen vessel to carry His precious treasures to a hurting world.  I'm constantly reminded how on my own I can get by. I can make it to the end of the shift, I can take decent care of my kids.  But to be the mom and the nurse that I really in my heart of hearts want to be, and to do it with energy and joy, I need more than just me.  I need a whole lot of the One who made me.